Values Essay

The Day I Learn What Marriage is

On a normal weekend afternoon, after getting back from home, I saw a post on facebook titled “Marriage is not for you”, Immediately after reading the title I thought “finally someone who doesn’t want to get married like me!” but I was wrong. The article was about how all the things you do in marriage are not for your benefit but for your marriage’s benefit. That article made me keep thinking of all the reasons why I didn’t wanted to get married and I tried to convince myself that it was not too bad to be married, sadly enough I failed to convince myself!

After some time of meditation I started asking married people about what their insights were about marriage. There was someone in particular that caught my attention with his answers. His three main ideas about marriage were: first, marriage is hard but helps you to become better, second, marry when you feel prepared to and third, get rid of your fear and trust in the Lord.

I was sitting in the couch watching tv when I called my first companion from my mission (he has been married for 2 years now and have 1 child). I was feeling a little bit pressured with the whole idea of marriage and I just wanted to talk about it with someone. When he answered the phone I started to express how I felt and threw a bunch of questions at him. After a couple minutes I was basically interviewing him!

“Weren’t you afraid of getting married? Didn’t you think about money and all extra expenses?” I asked.

“I thought about all of it and of course I was afraid too but fear is something heavenly father sent us here to overcome. You cannot keep God’s commandments with a fearful heart. You can either trust the lord and hold on to the iron rod or you can try to walk the path alone, doubting God’s will. I have never lacked or lost anything since I married but all the opposite, I have gained a lot of things I wouldn’t gain without my wife,” He responded very calmly and with a surety I have rarely seen in someone when talking about marriage.

I stood in silence of a couple seconds and asked, “Have you ever regret marrying? Do you feel it is harder?”

He gently smiled and looked at my directly in the eyes and said, “I haven’t ever regretted getting married not even once but I gotta say: it's been hard. You have more responsibilities when you marry. God expects much more from you when you are married too. When you marry your day does not end when you get off of work. You get back home and you have to help your wife (who has been up before you so that you could have breakfast in the morning and won’t go to sleep until your child fall asleep).  You gotta provide for your family and even have time to play with your kids. Marriage is not easy but it is worth it.”

I didn’t know what to say. I was speechless! I was trying to balance my time between work and homework and I wasn’t doing very good and this man was perfectly fine managing his time between school, work, children, homework, wife and much more! At that moment I realized that he had grown much more spiritually than I have but I still had an excuse: He looked tired. Who in the world enjoys his time and who could possibly be happy when he is tired? So I asked, “Has marriage made you happier?”

He then told me that marriage is not a fairy tail and that marriage has its ups and downs. But, when you look back, he says, you are thankful that you went through all those ups and downs. He told me he has been through the happiest and saddest moments of his life during his married time but that he wouldn’t change a thing. He told me that, “he was prepared when he married,” and that he had the desire to do so. “Never marry someone if you don’t feel prepared, ask the Lord for comfort and guidance and when you feel prepare take that step,” was his advice. He also said that when you marry is because you have the desire to be with that person, you have a desire to grow together and help each other. He said that getting married was the best decision he could’ve taken because he was prepared. “I have loved my wife since the very first day we met. She has been my support and motivation for all these years and I wouldn’t change how things happened for anything (not even for a couple extra sleeping hours).” Throughout the conversation I could see how his life has been modeled by his beliefs and how his actions and lifestyle shaped his values.

I was pretty impressed with his answers, I could see the sincerity in his eyes. I asked the last questions I had, “What have you gained since you marry (besides weight)?”.

He laughed and told me that the most important thing he gained was an eternal companion but that also he had gained knowledge and understanding. He told me he gained a special love for their parents because he now could see how good they were as parents, how patient and loving they were. He also told me he had gained a bigger testimony of God and of his love for us. He had come to understand a little bit better how big the sacrifice of God’s only begotten son was. “Now that I am a parent I feel a deep love and devotion to my child, I feel an obligation of never letting him down and to guide him and because of this love that I have for my child I know that God will never let me down under any circumstances, it is because of the love that I have for my child that I have gained a bigger and true testimony of God’s love. Trust in him and trust that if you marry he will show you greater things, things you cannot gain any other way. Trust in him and I assure you will be blessed,” he concluded.

This was the end of our conversation, it was getting late and we still had other things to do. I enjoyed this conversation and learned much from it. I saw a different man from the one that I knew a few years ago. I saw values being shaped through trials and good choices.